Living on borrowed BS - The X and her X - A Possible Threesome

Have you ever sat down and looked at yourself through the frontal camara of an iPad mini? ...

That's me, I spent most of the night looking into the FaceTime camera of my iPad mini (I was too lazy to go to the mirror) and ended up tweeting "FUCK MY LIFE". I swear on my sexy pair of Aldo's, I'm a Thug dressed up as a lady. The shit that went down yesterday was not even close to funny, I blame the PMS, I totally become a beast, and beast is an understatement, call it RATCHET, yes that's the best name for it all. See I grew up with a lady for a mother, she had her spicy moments but they were never as spicy as my moments are.... Like I'm probably hot spicy Indian atcha/batcha or better yet those nando's hot as flame wings that you cry while you're eating, yep that's me...

Anyway the victim to my latest tirade was the ex... I totally went ninja on her ass with frustration, and no I don't hit people nor do I give beat-downs, I'm still a lady remember, A spicy one to that but I'm still a lady...

So ye me and the x misses have been on some other level of "WTF" since the break up, we totally rub each other up the wrong way, but are also awesome as a duo for some projects. I'm supposed to be in Jozi but the love of my life, yes her, sorta got on my last tit about something and I went cray.

She doesn't know what she wants and sometimes when I'm sick of things, I also don't know what I want, but with that in mind, when we were a pair i never eff'd around, I didn't entertain any BS nor did I drag around my past (Boody call) into the fold, like I'm totally a commitment sorta chick, a total ride or die lover. Not even needy coz I have way too much work on my hands to fiddle around, so I cut ties with anything that might create BS with me and the main game, zoom in on her when I need to and zoom out when work calls, simple math really. Even when I had a crush on some other chic she knew about it (open book sorta stuff)

Baby kept getting caught with her hand in a digital cookie jar like 3 times and yes I went buck, totally messed up BUCK on her and we sorted ish out, always. Mara after we both were like "aaah na, you need to sort yourself out STAT, I'm out", baby started playing around with her freedom and I was like cool what ever, coz her and I still hook up. (she's my weakness, shoot me, I don't care) anyway back to my hissyfit, the thing about baby is that she has polygamist tendencies, look I'm all for that, I know for a fact that no one women can please all the needs of another. BUT ALL I ASK FOR SHIT LIKE THAT IS HONESTY, like I want a person to be open about their intentions " like hey, so I'm sorta "chilling" with Wendy on the side, she reminds me of our past" or " hey I'm sorta feeling Lebo' right now, she gives me cute vibes", by all means crack that cookie jar, but LET ME KNOW ABOUT, coz I hate having to find out about such foolery by myself.

To be honest, I'm not perfect either, I'm unrealistic, I make unrealistic demands and I expect them to be met.... It's as messed up as I can mentally allow myself to think about it... Hell it's actually flippant how crazy I get about what I want, when I want it and how I want it.

Also TBH... I want baby. Simple, fucked up, twisted and totally nyols but ye I like baby... Might as well while-out with a threesome... Me, her & her ex.
Someone needs to slaughter a cow for my lame ass now that I think about it...

I swear my ancestors are burning herbs somewhere...

FUCK MY LIFE

I remember this week... It didn't end well..

I'm still yet to talk about the week of these activities below ...

The conversations I have with the kid...

I live a very spicy life, the reference to spicy is because half the time I'm observing things fall apart around me.

I always make wrong decision about things, so on this note I've kinda decided it's who I currently am and will hopefully sort this out when I have time to work on "me". This doesn't mean I'm passive about life, I'm just passive about certain things that might end up effecting me emotionally.

See I'm emotionally lazy and I like that head space because it means I shrug things off and I choose to be happy. It has taken me a long-ass time to get to this faze so I'm blissful in my sort of passive state of mind.

With that said, I have a friend who popped up on my radar last week or two after my breakdown and social detox early this year, I was supposed to meet up with him about some business related stuff, but by then i was too deep inside my head with foolery I just flaked out of it. He is a pretty awesome person, an industry creative who randomly pops up when i clearly seem to need a mental break and that small pow-wow.

I won't give him a name so I'll just refer to him as " the kid". He Was one of the first people who supported my shared streetmag vision and just seemed to sorta be "there". We don't get people like that anymore so I always tend to not be overly appreciative if I notice that characteristic in a person because I don't want to feel jilted should it change.


The kid makes me laugh, in the past we used to chat once in a blue moon, not always but fun conversations when we did. The last few weeks I think we chat almost daily, about random things from hot actresses to eateries around the city & sometimes clothes those are cool conversations but I've realized how smart he is as a person and I love how he thinks, I like how he tries to articulate his aspirations, what he is thinking and the artistic yet visionary future he shares with those close to him.

As an artist he has a solid future in his industry, you know that feeling when you want someone to succeed so bad, that you have a mental map of their path, that's what I have in my head for the kid...

I've realized that with these conversations I'm falling more into myself as a person and recovering from love lost, I dont know if that makes any sense but the kid helps me forget my ex, sure the randomness of my life pops up every now and again but I'm not all that caught on it and most of the time on probably chilled about it. I can now hang out with the ex without feeling like I've lost something, I can chill while she kids around with people and I'm not even fazed. That's a good place to be at, so I'm pretty happy about that.

Now as I live in that calm state of mind, I like these after hour conversations, I love having a friend to say "hi" to "how was your day" to and "goodnight" to after a long ass day of foolery, fashion, work and my ex.

The Kid's awesome.

Just Be... So Phuck Ye!!!!!

This got me out of my funk-depro-mental-mode..